Recently I had a conversation with someone close to me whom I care about a lot. The conversation included some of their frustrations about what they consider to be too much talk and not enough action on my part about a particular subject. I found their delivery to be harsh and I shared that feedback, just as they felt free to share their concerns with me.
It probably comes as no surprise that said conversation escalated a bit into one of mutual frustration topped with a spoonful of anger.
Full disclosure…I can be a bit hypersensitive from time to time and on certain subjects, however, this exchange (and another similar one that occurred with the same person shortly thereafter) was sharp and direct without a lot of concern or compassion for my feelings. It really made me realize the value of being kind and tender when we share something that may be hard to swallow.
Our natural response as human beings is to get angry or defensive when we feel we are being attacked – rightly or wrongly – and even the most constructive criticism can be painful and put us on the defensive.
And when we feel that someone is coming at us in a way that is harsh or hurtful, we will naturally defend ourselves rather than open our hearts and minds to the concerns that are being raised.
So why not try a little tenderness?
If we have something that we consider important to say to someone, something that we really want them to hear and absorb, wouldn’t we want to deliver that message in a setting that is conducive to actually receiving that message?
It really is in your own best interest to find a way to be very tender. Because then you will be heard and the person with whom you are sharing your thoughts will be open to listening and will still feel valued and respected.
Everybody deserves a little tenderness.