A couple of weeks ago someone told me that I was one of the most confident people that they’ve ever met. Needless to say, I took that as a huge compliment!
It got me thinking…what does it mean to be confident and how can we grow our confidence if we aren’t as comfortable with being confident as we would like to be?
Here are 10 ways to grow your confidence…
1. Do you.
The first key to becoming confident is just being you. No matter how quirky or different or wacky you are, just do you. If you are constantly trying to be something or someone other than who you really are, there will be a disconnect there. Embrace your own personal set of quirks and weirdnesses. Practice loving them. Allow yourself to let out your entire glorious self. Do you.
2. Stop comparing.
When we compare ourselves to someone else, we immediately undermine our own confidence and sense of self. We’re looking at what we perceive to be the best in someone else and comparing it to something in us, and then finding that we’re somehow deficient. Or superior.
Either way, it’s an apples to oranges comparison, because we are not comparing the full scope of that person to the full scope of ourselves. We never know what that other person has gone through to get to this point in time, and they don’t know what we’ve gone through. And never are two stories ever the same. We’ve each had our own unique set of hurdles and victories, so of course no two people will ever be in exactly the same place in their lives. So why compare? Yeah, that’s right…don’t.
3. When you’re having negative thoughts or feeling insecure, let it pass.
Everyone has times when they feel insecure or have negative thoughts. That’s part of being a thinking human being and the nature of the human mind.
But you have a choice about how you deal with those negative thoughts. Do you believe them and begin to obsess about them? Not a good plan. The best thing to do is to recognize that you’re feeling crappy and insecure and acknowledge that these are just feelings. Observe them and reassure yourself that these feelings will eventually pass. Then go about your business.
Try not to give negative thoughts power by trying to counter them or convince yourself that they’re wrong. What happens when I tell you not to think about ice cream? Exactly! You think about ice cream!
As with the ice cream analogy, if you focus on your negative thoughts in an effort to get rid of your negative thoughts, you’ll just be focusing on your negative thoughts. A bit circular, don’t you think?
Don’t give these thoughts that much power over you. Acknowledge them and move along.
4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Being confident is not just a show of bravado. It also means getting OK with showing your softer side. Vulnerability and confidence are two sides to one coin. Yin and yang.
Perhaps this seems counter intuitive…show your vulnerability to become more confident? Yup, it’s true. Because being confident is about not being afraid. Not being afraid to show your bold side or your softer side.
While it may be scary to be vulnerable, it’s such a beautiful human quality. Learn to share your vulnerabilities with people you cherish and with whom you feel safe. It makes it easier. And if you don’t have those people in your life, it’s time to branch out and find them.
5. Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re wrong.
When you realize that somehow you’ve hurt or wronged someone else, it’s so very important to let them know that you understand how you’ve affected or hurt them. How to do that? By sincerely apologizing.
It is never easy to swallow your pride and say you’re sorry, yet it’s one of the most compelling ways to show someone that you care enough about them and are comfortable enough with yourself to make amends.
It goes back to allowing yourself to vulnerable. Letting down your guard and showing how very human you are. That is a mark of true confidence.
6. Forgive yourself.
It’s difficult to be confident when you’re constantly berating yourself internally for something you did in the past. Unless you find a way to forgive yourself, that event will begin to own you because you’re giving it your focus.
It’s critically important to acknowledge that you maybe you blew it, make amends with the other person if there is one, and do your level best not to carry it forward with you into the future.
There is no magic forgiveness pill. The best you can do is tell yourself that you’ll do better in the future and then do it.
7. Find your voice. And use it.
Sometimes it might feel easier to be invisible. To slip quietly into the anonymity of the crowd. But that’s the opposite of confidence.
Figure out what you want or need to say, and then say it. And don’t be quiet or mousy about it. Because no one will hear you. Say it loud and say it proud.
If you’re naturally soft-spoken or shy, this may not be easy. Practice at home in front of the mirror. Observe other people and notice how the simple difference between someone speaking quietly and passively and another speaking definitively, firmly, assertively and with a fair amount of volume to their voice – it’s like night and day.
It makes a difference and people will begin to listen to you when you do this.
You’ve heard it here before…the brain believes what you tell it, so you might as well tell it what you want it to know. So, in the case of confidence, just fake it ’til you make it. Act confident until you begin to feel confident. Lather, rinse, repeat. One day you’ll wake up feeling and being confident. And that’s what we’re looking for.
9. Get OK with it.
Finally, you need to get OK with feeling and being confident. We live in a society that often makes us feel as if we are somehow arrogant if we feel good about ourselves and that is just nonsense.
Give yourself permission to change from the old way of doing things to becoming a more confident version of you. It will help you to blossom and grow in ways that you never might have imagined.
It’s OK…you deserve it. Hell, we all deserve it.
10. Don’t be afraid.
Easier said than done, but the truth is, confidence and fear can’t really live in the same space. To be confident we must put aside our fears and just jump into life. Just like the kid about to jump off the high dive for the first time. We may cower for a few minutes while we contemplate our options, but the reality is we just have to take a running jump into the pool of life!
These are just some of the ways you can grow your confidence. Over the #SummerOfAwesome we will explore these ideas further and expand on some of them. So set your mind on growing your confidence this summer. What a perfect goal for the #SummerOfAwesome…becoming confident!
