I missed you.
I missed the soft touch of the keys as I tapped out letters that became words with meaning that came from something far greater than my own understanding.
I missed knowing that out there somewhere were all of you beautiful souls who might connect with a word or two that I’ve offered up.
I missed the creating. The sharing. The opening of my heart and mind in hopes that something of value would show up on the page and that those strung-together letters and words and sentences might have meaning for you, maybe even touch your heart.
And yet I fell away from it. Felt I didn’t have much to say. Forgot about the sheer joy of being in the zone as I weave together thoughts and feelings.
I got away from myself.
In all the planning and working and trying to create a “something,” I wandered away.
Why do we do that? Why do we get so close to seeing ourselves for who we really are, then dart off frantically? Going on a wild goose chase that leads us further and further away from our selves? Eventually we tire from the running and still have to face ourselves anyway. So why the wild sprint?
Maybe it’s because we live in a world that encourages us to do anything and everything to avoid facing ourselves. And yet, our souls still cry out until finally we have to stop and listen.
All the striving and pursuing. Sometimes it’s so inorganic. It’s the roadmap that someone else has created as suggested reading for our life. But they don’t know what’s right and best for us. Only we do.
What brought all of this on?
Maybe it’s that I am finally seeing how much I distract myself and avoid the things that give my life meaning.
Perhaps it’s that I’ve finally found myself. I got a little closer to the part of me that keeps trying to run away from myself, and this time she didn’t run.
Or maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten tired of chasing geese.