a path in the calfornia redwoods I recently walked on
We can never really know anyone else’s path in life. We can only know where we want ours to be. There is no way of knowing what any other person is truly thinking or feeling or going through. All we can do is take them at face value and trust that they are being truthful with us and with themselves.
But what if they’re not?
Well, we can follow our intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. (But this is if you’re truly listening to that quiet inner voice and not to your anxieties.)
Even then, many of us try to analyze why a person is where they are and who they are. (Yup. Guilty as charged.) And if maybe there’s some way to help propel them onto a higher level of being.
Some of that is fine, because it may help us to understand who they are and what the motivation for their behavior is. But it’s easy to get quickly carried away with that line of thinking, so often it’s important to just stop. Stop and recognize that they are where they are at this moment in time. Your life has intersected with theirs, and you may or may not be on similar paths in life. Sometimes you can co-travel for a while, but then your paths may need to diverge. Even though it may be painful, sometimes it’s best to recognize that and to move on. This is true for friends, lovers, spouses, and sometimes even family members.
Other times it may just be a bump in the road. They need to go through whatever it is that they’re going through, then your paths converge again.
But the real question here is, why are you focusing on their path? What about your progress?
Perhaps it’s time to reconsider your own path and return your focus there. What is it about you that’s got you all wrapped up in someone else’s path and maybe even their drama?
Shift the focus to you.
What do you need to do for yourself to nurture yourself through this time, especially if it hurts? Why is this person so important to you? Why are you afraid of their path diverging from yours? Can you still create a beautiful life for yourself without this person in it?
Figure out the old patterns that this situation is playing into and ask yourself if those patterns are still serving you well. (Hint…they may not be.)
Time to figure out what you’re feeling, not what the other person is. How does this situation make you feel? Has anyone else ever made you feel the same way, even if the situation was different? What old emotions is this triggering? And what new emotions are you feeling? Dig deep!
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. It all takes time and effort, especially if you’re sad or grieving about the end of a relationship with someone whose path has diverged from yours. Allow yourself the time to mourn the loss, but recognize old patterns and do your level best not to indulge them if they’re no longer serving you.
But most of all, focus on your path. Without you, you’ve got nothing.