We’ve all experienced anger from time to time.
But sometimes it takes us by surprise. And rarely is it considered socially acceptable to be angry, no matter how we express it.
Yet anger still happens. And each of us have different ways of expressing (or not expressing) our angry feelings.
Some of us are hot heads, who blast our anger the moment we feel it. How’s that working out for you? Well, you get it off your chest, but it’s not always productive in a relationship. In fact, it’s often very destructive and pushes people away.
Others of us let it simmer while resentment builds. Probably also not working out so well either, when we feel so much anger towards someone we can no longer even look them in the eye.
Still others offer up a delightful combo of resentment and blow up…letting the resentment and anger fester until they can no longer take it and then comes a volcanic eruption of anger completely out of left field – at least for the person on the receiving end. Also not doing wonders for your relationships, I’m guessing.
And then there are the passive aggressive types, who will just poke at you “jokingly” about issues that “don’t really bother them…no they’re just kidding” until you can no longer stand to be around them, eventually eroding at least the healthier relationships.
So what to do when anger flares? Especially when it’s directed at another person, perhaps someone we care a lot about?
Consider anger as a red flag. An indication that something is off balance in a relationship. A notification from your inner self that something needs to be looked at and addressed.
So for hotheads, rather than flying off the handle, what if you were to think about anger as an indicator that something needs to be addressed, but perhaps when you’ve cooled down a bit and can address it more rationally and less reactively?
Or if you’re a simmering type, why not think about what needs to be said and make an effort to say it with detachment and coolness, sharing your feelings so that you don’t let the resentment build over time?
And for you volcanic types, definitely think about your approach and address the matter before you get explosive.
Passive aggressive? Stop joking and poking about the things that irritate you. Find a way to express what’s really bothering you and stop pushing people away.
All new ways of doing things, but certainly much healthier for all types of anger.
Will it be easy? No, because a) it’s new territory and b) it’s never really easy to express angry feelings, especially if you’re trying to be mature and responsible. However, it will help you to feel better and will allow your relationships to grow and develop in a more healthy, meaningful way.
So next time anger flares, take a step back and think about your approach. You won’t regret it.